What If My Eulogy Were Today?

As painful as it might be, would it be instructive to know the whole story? I think so.

So, here’s my draft plan; let me know what you think.

At my next birthday ending in zero or five, I’m going to set up a “eulogy” for myself–maybe call it a roast so I don’t freak anybody out. Cocktails at 6, dinner at 7, roast to begin about 7:30.

As the crowd gathers and the cliques begin to form, I will be hovering, spirit-like, via my closed circuit system; listening, collecting data–good, bad, ugly.

As dinner begins, I’ll have my master of ceremonies announce that I have been unavoidably delayed and I asked that they start the event without me.

At the appropriate time, the MC will begin the roast. I will listen to all the prepared speeches, all the off-mike stuff, all the things intended and unintended, and take copious notes.

Then, as the MC is giving his closing remarks, apologizing for the guest of honor’s absence, I will burst in the back door resplendent in a black-tie tuxedo, shouting, “Let’s get this party started,” waving to the applauding crowd like a parade grand marshal.

I will take the microphone, thank everyone for their kind comments I was sure they’d made in my absence, and tell them all why friends, family, and acquaintances such as they are important to me.

I will apologize to those I’ve wronged and promise to try to do better in the future.

I will pledge to be a better person, a better friend, a better family member, a better business associate, a better citizen.

Then I will steal a line from Toby Keith and proclaim “Beer For My Men, Whiskey For My Horses,” cue the music, and proceed to mingle among the crowd.

When I shared a version of this idea with my just-turned-18-year-old son, he brought me back down to Earth by asking, “Dad, what if nobody shows up?”

Hmmm. I may need to re-think this. Any views from the Week-Enders?

Randy Gaddo, a retired Marine who also served for 15 years in municipal parks and recreation, is now a full-time photojournalist who lives in Peachtree City, Ga.; he can be reached at (678) 350-8642 or email cwo4usmc@comcast.net.

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2 comments on “What If My Eulogy Were Today?

  1. So sorry to hear about your brother. As for me, I only want to hear the good stuff …I have enough self-doubt without anyone else’s help!

  2. Gloria De La Cruz-Sandoval on said:

    What a thought…
    I guess we should all ponder matters like this more often as a way to “pinch” ourselves and see if we’re truly paying attention. Such attention to what we use to hope in, to all we aspired to become, and to those things we once valued or better yet a pinch to know that we are not some of those things…

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